No Place Like Home
Image by Hutomo Abrianto on Unsplash
There’s that scene from Sleeping with the Enemy. The one where Julia Roberts’ character messes up all the cans in her kitchen cabinets to free herself from the oppressive OCD of her abusive husband. The one where she breaks a pattern and starts to move on, and into her new life.
I know that feeling. If you visit my house, you’ll see that my DVDs are all in random order — a beautiful sight after years of imposed alphabetical organization.
When I moved out of the house I shared with my ex-husband, I took all the books. I took the piano. I packed up the crystal, and my grandmother’s china. And my favorite coffee mugs. But I left behind the dishes we ate off of every day, and the silverware we used. I went to Ikea and bought some inexpensive flatware, and I ordered some plates online (on sale!) featuring illustrations of animals dressed in hipster prairie clothing. When they arrived, I did a little dance. They were quirky and fun and exactly what I wanted — a far cry from the classic blue and white Johnson Brothers china of my married years.
When I moved into my apartment, I didn’t buy all new furniture or artwork, but I did make a point to change up what I already had. I put bookshelves in my bedroom, partly because that’s where they fit and partly because I feel comforted when surrounded by books. I hung artwork in different rooms — wall décor that had been in the bedroom was now in the bathroom, a mirror from the formal living room now reflected light over my small dining area table. A guest room chair and side table from the old family room formed a cozy nook in my new kitchen.
Room of Your Own
As you move on after divorce, it’s important to create a space of your own, a home that reflects your own style. The best compliment I ever received about my single-life apartment came from my sister when she visited. She said, “this is so you, exactly where I would picture you living.”
When you’re exploring this next chapter of your life, everything is new. You might live in a new neighborhood. You might have gone back to work after years at home. You might be meeting new people and trying new hobbies. Even dinner with old friends feels different when you’re no longer part of a couple.
When so much of your life is new and unsettling, it’s important to have a safe place to retreat to. Somewhere to regroup, rest, and recharge. It’s more than a home — it’s your home base. Make it the best reflection of yourself that you can.
Sacred Space
Diana Raab, Ph.D., author of The Empowerment Diary series at Psychology Today, writes about the importance of a “sacred space” and offers this advice:
“If you’re designing your own sacred space, it’s important that it reflect the person you are. It should be scattered with mementos and books that embody your essence. Your energy should permeate the room, and it should inspire you and make you smile.”
Feathering your new nest doesn’t have to be expensive. I’ve found paintings for a steal through my NextDoor neighborhood group, vintage furniture at yard sale prices on Craig’s List, and fun home décor on clearance at Target.
When I was healing from my divorce, it was comforting and energizing to fill my new apartment with things that made me smile. I loved looking around to see a brass unicorn bell from my childhood, framed photos of family and friends. And my new hipster animal plates.
One day I was talking about these dishes with a friend who had recently moved into his own single-life apartment. He said was he on the hunt for Fiestaware — the mix-and-match colorful dinnerware they sell at department stores. Why? He wasn’t sure, but he said he’d always wanted it. If it makes his new space feel more like a new home, then why not?